Apparently, the Russians are not done attempting to access sensitive communications from America’s top leaders. In fact, early this morning WikiLeaks released a handful of Santa’s personal correspondence. The Stream has been unable to confirm the accuracy or legitimacy of these letters.

Dear Santa,

I’m ticked at you! You were supposed to give me the election for Christmas!

Hillary

Dear Hillary,

If I gave you a bike, would you be mad I didn’t pedal it for you? I gave you the media, a billion dollars in campaign funds, the best political mind of his generation as a spouse, a Justice Department totally in your pocket. I even threw in Katy Perry, Beyonce and Bruce Springsteen. And, oh, not for nothin’ I gave you the most flawed, offensive, inexperienced opponent in the history of the Republic! Maybe instead of an election I should give you a nice mirror and a sense of personal responsibility.

Love Santa

*****

Dear Santa,

Vladimir Putin has been a very bad boy. Can you bring him a lump of coal? (Then again, don’t because it’ll only encourage the use of dirty energy.) The Russians are so evil, messing with our election. They’re like an Evil Empire.

Sincerely,

Barack Obama

Dear Barack,

I’ll take care of it. By the way, have you apologized to Mitt Romney for mocking his concerns over Russia? Apologized to Benjamin Netanyahu for interfering in Israel’s election? No? Then you can forget about that new set of clubs you’ve been asking me for.

Love Santa,

PS. Do you still have that Gorbachev poster you asked for back in ’84? I remember how excited you were back then about the Soviets and socialism.

*****

Dear Santa,

Can you give us a new new President? Pretty please?!?!

Signed,

The cast and writers of Saturday Night Live

Dear SNL,

I thought I gave you the precious gift of humor to help lift hearts. Boy, did you bust that to pieces like a cheaply made toy (made overseas, and not by my elves.) I definitely gave you the greatest gift one can give topical humorists and sketch comedians: One Donald J. Trump. So stop whining, get on your knees and thank the Living God for the amazing, once-in-a-lifetime present you’ve been given. And remember, you’re supposed to be funny. Tell you what. I’m going to give you a collection of Studio C videos just in case you forgot what being funny with a joyful spirit looks like.

Love,

Santa

*****

Dear Santa,

Love your style. But all those elves you’ve got working for you at the North Pole? I’m going to bring those jobs back to America. Little people are great. I did great with little people. Huge. Did huge with huge people, too.

Sincerely,

Donald Trump

Dear Donald,

Let’s talk. I’ll drop by Trump Tower Christmas Eve. Best part is, I won’t even have to go through the lobby! By the way, have you opened that little bottle of humility I left for you last year? Think it could come in handy with the new gig.

Love,

Nick

PS. We still on for golf at Trump Dural in early January? Don’t think for a second I’m going to let you win because you’re President-elect.

****

Dear Santa,

I look at the election, I look around and it seems to me we are feeling what not having hope looks like. Can you help me? 

Love,
Michelle Obama

Dearest Michelle,

Yeah, I saw what you told Oprah. It is so tempting to say that all this whining and complaining about the election from those unhappy the vote didn’t go their way makes me want to pluck out my beard. I want to grab you and shake you and shout, “How can you not be hopeful? You are healthy, smart, loved by millions with a buff physique Mrs. Claus would kill for. You have two gorgeous, intelligent daughters, a husband who loves you, the opportunity, talent and resources to do with your life anything you want to do. (If we’re being honest, Barack can’t touch you as a public speaker.) You have served the nation as First Lady with dignity and grace, and even some mad dance moves. Snap out of it, Sister!”

But if I am to grab you, Michelle, it is only to hug you. And share with you.

Please listen to Old St. Nick. There is something deeper in what you told Oprah and what you’re telling me now. You’re tying lack of hope to who won or lost an election. Hope to a political process. Hope to actions. Oh, my sweet child, hope is not determined by who sits in the Oval Office. It’s found in the One who slept in a manger. Do you want to see hope around you? Let God into your heart, let His Spirit dwell inside you, then look through His eyes at those He so wonderfully made. You’ll be astounded at the hope and love that leaps out at you and within you.

Hear me, Michelle. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt the 2016 election isn’t the real issue here at all. You’ve seen two historic victories, yet the sadness has never seemed to leave your eyes. (Remember, if I can see you when your sleeping, I can certainly see you on CNN.) If I could have my Christmas wish it’d be to see that sadness go. What’s more, I know that wish can be answered in the Christ we celebrate this Christmas. Let Him turn your sorrow into joy the way I can turn reindeer into fuel-efficient, green energy-driven transportation.

These past eight years you have dined with kings. Now come feast at the table with the King of Kings! Come find Peace in presence of the Prince of Peace. Come taste and see what the Lord has made. I guarantee you will find the Hope you seek. What’s more, what He’s serving isn’t fattening. I know that’s important to you.

All my love,

Santa