This past week was a tough one. Perhaps it really shouldn’t have been.

One of my friends has been staying at my house to help with my mother. He is a very necessary part of how we operate in the house, to make sure her needs are always met.

Last week he took an icon-painting class, so he was gone each day, from morning until late in the evening. Before committing to the class he worried that his being gone would create a burden, perhaps overwhelm me, since I would need to go to work each day, plus take care of all the other things that he normally helps with.

I, of course, said that he should take the class, not worry about a thing, and I’d be fine. Just go do it!

Fast forward to one week later. I’m tired. A bit stressed. It was a tough week:

• My central air conditioning decided to make its exit, right in the middle of a heat wave.
• I had to help another person who had a family emergency and needed extra assistance with some important projects.
• A special wheelchair that my mother has been applying for since February, and was finally supposed to be delivered this week, never showed.
• And then there was the driving back and forth from home to work, to work to home, and another trip in between so I could take my pups out daily during my lunch break….

I was getting tired of it. And I was even regretting that I told my friend to go take his class.

Yes, can we all say… “S E L F I S H.”

Who are We Being Charitable for?

Now that the week is over, I look back and I can see I failed in many ways. My intent had been to be as helpful and charitable as possible toward anyone who needed me, so others would have peace and the help that they needed.

And I actually did what that was needed of me. I didn’t flake or jump ship. (I did find myself daydreaming about the shores of distant beaches a few times.) Still, I failed in my core attitude. I treated these things as a burden, when I should have been doing them out of love for God.

The virtue of charity was lacking here. Charity causes us to love God above all things for His own sake — it’s not about us. It’s about Him.

And there is no greater achievement in a person’s life than to love God above all other things. Only when we are charitable for God sake, not our own, is our charity in its purest, most virtuous form.

Again, I was acting out of a sense of charity this past week, but for whom and what was I being charitable? I wanted to help others — yes, but when things went slightly awry, instead of charity I began to act out of a need to make myself look good: “Look how kind and self-sacrificing I am! I can help everyone and be a wonderful friend! See how noble I am?”

I wasn’t actually thinking these things, but that attitude was quietly becoming more and more a part of the things I was doing.

I was making the sacrifices more about me than God. I started feeling more and more burdened. I could not carry the load by myself — but I was trying to do it just the same. There was no more room for God’s help because I was doing it all myself.

Charity is the Greatest of Virtues

I’ve learned a great lesson this past week. Charity is a very holy virtue, one that we must practice, not just during a week of need, but during every day of our lives. And I’ve learned that we must act as unselfishly with other people and situations as possible, for God’s sake. Not our own.

Because if we’re doing it for ourselves, we will always fail, as I did this week, even though I did everything that was needed from me. I was doing it for me, and because of that I spent my week feeling mistreated, annoyed and even resentful.

This was a good lesson for me. A lesson I needed. I’m learning that for God’s sake, as much as we are able we must help those in need.

In this charity we must be as patient, kind, thoughtful, helpful and even long-suffering, just as God is all of these things and more with us.

Meanwhile one of the effects of the virtue of charity is that it makes us face our own limitations and defects. It makes us humble, because we have to face the truth about ourselves and our failures. Even when it’s very disagreeable — and a lot of times it will be.

The next time someone asks me if I can help him or her in their time of need. I hope to say yes. But this time, not as a matter of what I feel I can give, but because of what is needed of me.

For the help of my friends, family and neighbors.

And most importantly, for the love of God.

Originally published at GrowInVirtue.com. Used by permission.