Somehow, perhaps through an error, I was permitted to open a new Twitter account. Ssssh, don’t tell anybody! Or the same people who reported me and got me kicked off will do it again. (I happen to know it was Catholic sharia Inquisition re-enactors, aka “Integralists,” and those people don’t forgive or forget.)

That means that I’m back on that medium some of the day, dropping little truth-bomb epigrams, or bomb-throwing haikus, for strangers at the rate of $.00.00 per word. I don’t make much per unit, I understand, but hope to make a killing on volume.

Oh, wait. (Pauses. Math is hard.)

My Toxic Little Haikus

Never mind. Perhaps I ought to scatter some of those pearls over in The Stream instead of that sty. It is packed with swine who will gobble them, then gallop in a herd over the nearest Gadarene cliff, down into the sea. So here are some seemingly random observations that don’t quite merit entire 1000-word columns, but instead may provoke some thought. Where needed, I’ll expand, but I’m shooting for conciseness.

• NATO is a suicide pact. Each new country that joins is another hair trigger for nuclear war with a Russia that hasn’t been Communist for 30 years, whose population is shrinking, and whose economy is smaller than Italy’s. (Aren’t you afraid of Italy?) But I will feel safer knowing that the Swedish and Finnish militaries are solidly behind us.
• No seriously, NATO is a way for us to feel tough and ornery, and pretend that we’re resisting tyranny, in between our apologies to Red China, and our pitiful defeats in the Middle East.
• I feel nothing but sympathy for the Ukrainian people. And nothing but contempt for its government, which began as a CIA puppet, then morphed into a monster demanding bottomless Western support, barking orders at us. All this so it can hold onto Russian-speaking territories and retain the right (in abstract) to join the NATO suicide pact.
• The dead giveaway was Bono. Any cause Bono embraces is automatically suspect. And Mitch McConnell. Anything on which Bono and “Cocaine” Mitch can get together has got to be deeply sinister. If McConnell tries on Bono’s glasses, I might need to fly over to Moscow and enlist.
• I’m too old and out of shape, so I’d be of no use. But I was already of no use in 1992, when I thought about joining the Croatian military, to fight for Dubrovnik.
• When I hear about a mass shooting in America, I’m so beaten-down by how the left ghoulishly exploits the death of innocents, that my reactions have gotten distorted. My first thought is, “Oh no. Was it some white lunatic shooting minorities, so the media can blame our churches and try to seize our guns?”
• Then when it turns out (as it often does) that a minority or a Muslim is just slaughtering white people or Christians, I can relax. Since those crimes don’t even matter. I won’t have to hear about them after day one, and the shooter’s “motives remain unknown.” And will, forever.
• White supremacy is a poison, as Joe “President” Biden said Tuesday. But Muslim supremacy is an urban myth, a conspiracy theory, a made-up thing that professional fact-checkers have discredited. The one-fourth of the world conquered by Muslim supremacists was unavailable for comment.
• White Replacement (by minorities as voters via mass immigration) apparently exists at the quantum level. If you observe it from one angle, it’s real and glorious and something that even Bill Clinton was praising back in the 90s. It’s just “Diversity,” and you can never have too much of that. (Just ask Yugoslavia.)
• But if you view White Replacement from another perspective (a negative one) it’s a myth and a conspiracy theory and you’re a racist monster who’s making up filthy lies to get people shot. So you should be censored, silenced, and surveilled by the FBI.

• If RINOs like Dr. Oz win GOP nominations, MAGA voters should just stay home in November. They’re better off without squatters like Mitt Romney and Liz Cheney and Dan Crenshaw, claiming the party as their own. As Lenin once said, “First, purge the Party.”
• If we surrender American sovereignty to the Chinese-controlled World Health Organization via binding treaty, we can save a bunch of money on the charade of free elections. The Democrats won’t have to waste millions stealing them, and I won’t have to spend another $30 on 2000 Mules 2: They’re Back and They’re Braying.
• White people who claim that the Church is still tainted by racism are trying to make money, take power, gaslight their enemies, or cozy up to Caesar. If they were sincere, they’d be trying to save black babies from abortion, black citizens from socialism, and African Christians from jihadists. But they aren’t. They just want to take your stuff. And be praised as they carry it off and put it into their car.
• Just renounce Darwinism. Do that one thing. Then watch everything in the universe claim back its original meaning, beauty, and wonder. Suddenly, deep-seated drives, exquisite joys, and wholesome reactions will be reflections of Reality — not just the side-effects of “instincts.”
• Try this with your feelings about children, mountains and dogs. Then extend the exercise to your gut reactions to politics and culture.
• That’s when you’ll understand why Caesar keeps pushing Darwinism so hard.

Tell Us What You Really Think

That’s all for now, folks. And before you make the joke … yes, I am still holding back. Stay tuned.

John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or co-author of ten books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. He is co-author with Jason Jones of “God, Guns, & the Government.”