Occasionally my editors here at The Stream implore me to take it a little easy. On them. Instead of giving them 1600-word essays full of sometimes obscure references and elaborate arguments that march from A through Z, they want something simple. Fun. Digestible. “You used to write humor books,” they say. “Full of party ideas and recipes. Goofy jokes and deplorable puns. What happened?”

So here we go. In the spirit of the great Thomas Sowell’s occasional collections of “short takes,” here is a series of brief observations. I hope they provoke more thought than their composition required. (Wait, that didn’t come out quite right …)

Puerto Rico

It would have been great, politically sure, but also civically — for America — if Donald Trump had responded to his critics on Puerto Rico … by flying there. Immediately. We should have seen him in a hard hat from one of his old construction sites. He should have used his own money to fund some substantive relief effort, and urged Americans to pour their donations into Samaritan’s Purse. Or other worthy charities.  Yes, the left is incessantly divisive. Viciously opportunistic. Sometimes the right thing to do is to rise above it.

The NFL

Trump has played this issue intelligently. Leftists follow Rousseau: They want to force us to be “free.” Whether we want like their idea of “freedom” doesn’t matter. We don’t know what’s good for us. They do. So every state in the union must have legal abortion, transgender bathrooms, nudity on park benches, and the other mores of San Francisco forced upon them. Not just in law, but private companies. Leftists have done a great job at mau-mauing captains of industry, the Boy Scouts, the churches … why should they stop at sports? No tiny corner of America can be left unreached by the gospel of grievances. So it’s fine that the NFL ban players from wearing items commemorating the cops ambushed in Dallas. But when some of them want to dissent from our national anthem, that’s sacred free speech. To criticize it is to politicize sports. To try to claim the flag or the anthem for one political party. In other words, “You’re fighting back. No fair!”

Are Conservative Catholics a “Cancer” on the Church?

That’s the word that Bishop Robert McElroy of San Diego used to describe faithful Catholics. Their crime? Criticizing LBGT activist, Scorcese-whisperer, and dissenter Fr. James Martin. He also called them “alt-right,” which means they are effectively Nazis. So it’s okay to censor them. But when they push back and urge Catholic schools not to publicize his heresies … they are voices of “intolerance” and censorship. They need to be cut out or irradiated (which is what you do with cancer). For the sake, you know, of open debate and free discussion. I knew the Jesuits were desperate for warm bodies to help them count all their money, and preside over their real estate empire of apostate colleges and empty churches. But I hadn’t realized that admission standards had fallen quite this low. Is this really the best you can do, guys? Then it’s time to close up shop. Tell the last Jesuit to retire to please turn out that red lamp in the window.

Justice Anthony Kennedy

Fox News reports the rumor that Justice Anthony Kennedy may retire. I wonder that he didn’t just immolate himself like a Hindu widow on Hugh Hefner’s grave, but I’ll take what I can get. A squishy moderate whom Ronald Reagan was tricked into appointing, Kennedy really embodies the evil of banality. He’s the kind of “lace-curtain” Irish Catholic who sold his soul for a pat on the head, and he will soon be justly forgotten. When the time comes to replace Kennedy with an actual conservative who cares about the Constitution, look for a fight so ugly it makes Trump’s war on Ted Cruz look like a toddlers’ t-ball game. The closer we get to reaching a majority of constitutionalists on the Court, the shriller and more destructive the abortion lobby in both parties will become. Expect any worthy nominee to get the “Amy Barrett” treatment — that is, they’ll accuse her of intolerance while trying to burn her as a witch.

A squishy moderate whom Ronald Reagan was tricked into appointing, Justice Kennedy really embodies the evil of banality. He’s the kind of “lace-curtain” Irish Catholic who sold his soul for a pat on the head, and he will soon be justly forgotten.

But first the pro-aborts in Trump’s inner circle will push him to pick a “moderate.” A “centrist.” By which they mean some country-club Republican who believes in every item on the left’s cultural wish list — from abortion through all nine months to menstruating men. We’ve got to be ready, and let Trump know we’re ready, to say “Heck, no!” and mean it. We stopped George W. Bush from appointing his sock puppet, Harriet Myers. Instead we got Alito. Trump needs to know that if he tries something similar, he’ll have the same fun he did when he tried to foist Luther Strange on Alabama Republicans. In fact, we should all just decide to be Alabama Republicans for the duration.

The Correction of Pope Francis by Catholic Scholars

I won’t lead you into the weeds here. Suffice it to say: Pope Francis has published a document that threatens to radically change Catholic marriage. One of his own bishops (Bishop McElroy, in fact) is implying that it makes room for same-sex couples — and Pope Francis hasn’t done anything to correct or discipline him. Four Catholic cardinals posed pointed questions about the glaring problems in that document. Pope Francis refused to answer, and seems to be waiting for them to die. (Two have, in the meantime.) So a long list of Catholic scholars and laymen have warned that Pope Francis is flirting with heresy. Perhaps he’s now waiting for all of them to die as well. But most of them are younger than he is.

The Church and her faith will outlive one pope in Rome. He seems to be determined to wipe away St. John Paul II’s legacy like a grease stain on a lunch counter. But the rag can sweep in more than one direction, and God Himself is in charge. For me, I’ll just say cynically: I’m almost glad that Francis has blundered into outright doctrinal error. It will make Catholics less likely to listen to his bad ideas on economics (Go Venezuela!) and immigration (Allahu ackbar!).

See you later this week, with another 1600 words on demography or polyphony!