This is a rather vulnerable post, but I share it as a testimony of God’s amazing grace. For those who can relate, I pray my own journey will encourage yours…
Until recently, I thought it was only my marriage that was undergoing a huge transformation. Several months ago, the Lord uncovered a major lie I was believing that radically changed my perception of my husband. I was totally unaware of this lie as it had been a part of my thinking since my formative years as a young girl. But once this lie was uncovered, it was like a light was turned on and my marriage went from being good and stable to totally renewed and transformed.
The last thing the enemy wants is for us to discover the power of true love and affection. A connection with our spouse that is potent and powerful, apart from sexual overtones or expectations. A bond of the heart that draws one to the other for the sake of love, rather than need or self-gratification.
I have been stunned at how one little lie can so totally cloud and confuse an otherwise great relationship. And I believe there are many marriages right now facing the same dilemma. Little lies that have festered for a long time, unnoticed, but deadly.
Where the enemy is trying to fuel those lies through unmet expectations and ongoing disappointments, the Lord is wanting to set us free. He is wanting us to experience an intimacy of the heart that reflects His own love for His Bride. And because He is doing this sovereign work of the heart, depending on one’s ability to surrender and yield to His process, our marriages will either be under fire or on fire.
It doesn’t necessarily matter what the lie is. For me, the lie was, “You can never trust men with your heart.” Though I have always welcomed and valued the male perspective in thought and practice, there were limits when it came to issues of the heart. Because I was emotionally and spiritually manipulated by male authorities from the time I was a child, it’s been second nature for me to question men’s motivations. And this is where it affected my marriage. I never fully trusted my husband’s initiatives in getting close to my heart.
With that little lie firmly embedded in my thinking, I always interpreted his initiatives with a measure of suspicion. Convinced that he was probably looking out for his own needs, I was totally blinded to the true state of his heart and the fact that he deeply loved me and simply wanted me to know it. Though I would receive a measure of the love he offered, I never embraced or received the fullness he intended.
When I got delivered of that lie — literally — it was like that young girl was freed from her bondage. I was finally able to receive affection and love from my husband that was previously inaccessible. I still can’t believe how much I have been missing through the years, simply because I allowed one little lie to direct my emotions and responses.
We are still adjusting to this new reality, feeling like we have entered a second honeymoon phase. And along with it is a righteous anger toward the enemy who has stolen so many years of meaningful connection.
I share this to encourage those of you who may feel your marriage is under fire. I urge you to ask the Holy Spirit if there is any lie embedded in your thinking that is blocking your ability to fully give and receive love. Dare to talk about it and dig deeper to uncover what is actually true based on facts, and not assumptions based on past negative experiences. It won’t mean that you and your spouse will agree on everything or have the same feelings. But it will bring the Light to shine on those deep recesses of your hearts and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. Don’t let the enemy rob you of God’s best in your marriage.
Our covenant with God and with one another is extremely powerful — when the covenant is honored. That entails fighting for that covenant and not allowing lies and disappointments to take a front seat. It means taking a stand against the enemy together, knowing that a cord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
If you want your marriage to be on fire, let His fire come. Allow His purifying work to burn out the lies, purify the intentions of your heart, and fuel your passion to love again. When you walk in the fullness of His truth, you may be surprised at what true love actually looks — and feels — like.
Wanda Alger is an ordained and commissioned fivefold leader who has been in ministry for more than 35 years and is passionate about interpreting life from Heaven’s perspective. She is called to speak to the Body of Christ about the mountain of government, godly leadership, and Kingdom authority. Her blogs, videos, books, and other resources are available at wandaalger.me.
