We interrupt this Advent season for a special report: House Democrats announced Tuesday they are moving forward with two Articles of Impeachment against President Donald Trump.

President Trump, they insist, is guilty of the high crime of asking the Ukraine about that nation’s involvement in the 2016 election … as had been reported by Politico and The New York Times. And he is guilty of the high crime of discussing with Ukraine’s new president the Bidens’ messy dealings with the corrupt energy company Burisma.

Technically, the Articles accuse Trump of “Abuse of Power” and “Obstruction of Congress.” But, who’s kidding whom? The only thing Trump is guilty of is winning in 2016.

But let’s play along for a second, shall we?

“Obstruction of Congress”

According to House Judicial Chairman Jerry Nadler, “Trump has engaged in unprecedented, categorical, and indiscriminate defiance of the impeachment inquiry.” Ergo, Trump committed “Obstruction of Congress”! (Well, at least Nadler didn’t fall asleep at the podium while condemning the president.)

Let’s deal with this first because it’s the most idiotic. Sure, the Democrats have discovered a new love of the Constitution in the past couple weeks. (It’s a seasonal crush.) But they might want to actually read the thing. There’s this whole bit about co-equal branches of government.

After bending over backwards for the Mueller Investigation, handing over millions of documents and dozens of witnesses though it had no legal obligation to do so, the Trump Administration finally said “enough.” We’re not going to go playing anymore.

Especially not with an “inquiry” sparked by a phony whistleblower who blatantly misrepresented a presidential phone call, then coordinated with the same Adam Schiff who’d spent three years repeatedly lying that Trump was a Russian agent.

No Time for Due Process Here

Especially with a process whose outcome was both predetermined and unprecedented. At least since the fall of the Soviet Union. Due process? More like doo-doo process.

“Sorry. No thanks,” said Trump. Separation of powers, executive privilege, and all that. If you want us involved in this inquisition, you’re going to have to get the third branch of the federal government, the Courts, to say so. Have the court umpire this dispute between the executive and legislative branches. You know, the same way the system has been working since 1788.

But Nancy Pelosi didn’t have time for that. Just like she doesn’t have time to deal with the feces, drug needles, trash and homeless people piling up in her district. She wants impeachment NOW! NOW! NOW! The matter is too urgent to wait for the courts.

Really? And somehow Trump is obstructing Congress. How dare he not let himself be railroaded! How dare he open up future presidents to unimaginable abuse by hostile House partisans! How dare he deny Maxine Waters her dream of a Trump-less Christmas!

“Abuse of Power”

According to Nadler, Trump has “exercised the powers of his office for his personal benefit while ignoring or injuring the public interest.” (Putting Nadler and “exercise” in the same sentence is a crime against the English language. You have to kid a little, or this stuff will drive you mad.)

Here’s their argument: Trump abused his power by pressuring the Ukraine’s new president for info on investigations that would benefit him politically.

Let’s put aside for a second the irony in yesterday’s IG Report. It shows the FBI used info from a foreign government to launch its investigation into the Trump campaign. Info that benefited the Democrats politically. (Incidentally, info from an Aussie diplomat who had lined up millions in Down Under dollars for the Clinton Foundation. A diplomat with close ties to the guy the FBI used as a confidential human source — a spy — to gather information on Trump campaign officials.)

We can also set aside the silly idea that Trump wanted to expose Biden’s funny business with Ukraine just to help himself in 2020. With the lowest unemployment numbers since Woodstock, and salaries jumping like a sugar-fueled kid on a pogo stick, Trump doesn’t need to damage anyone politically.

Biden a Political Rival? Really?

Besides, Trump had handily beaten the woman who handily beat Biden in his prime. Remember, Biden spent the weeks leading up to the Ukraine call forgetting where he was, mumbling nonsense, conflating major events in his life, getting other events wrong by years or even decades, getting smacked down in debates, sniffing women’s hair … oh, and being just one of dozens of Democratic candidates at the time. Biden’s no political rival. He’s a walking punchline.

For that matter, let’s even put aside the dubious idea that somehow Trump harmed the public interest by holding up (for a few weeks) taxpayer money going to a country few in the public could find on a map. And even fewer have the slightest interest in. Protect my border, then I’ll worry about protecting Ukraine’s.

Here is the key, indisputable fact: Ukraine’s president says he wasn’t pressured.

Here’s another key, indisputable fact: Only one of the Democrat witnesses who actually spoke to Trump about Ukraine, directly asked Trump what he wanted from Ukraine. “I want nothing.”

Yet, somehow Democrats say Trump abused his power.

This is Abuse of Power?

I don’t want to say that this charge is a joke. I made too much of a living writing jokes, and have too much respect for jokes, to call what the Democrats are doing a joke.

It is Toxic Swamp Dung.

That call was an “abuse of power”?! Rewind a couple years. Barack Obama used the powers of his office to have the IRS destroy the grass roots TEA Party movement. (Also, the IG Report out yesterday shows Obama was briefed on the Steele dossier, including the extremely dubious hooker story. And did nothing but raise his eyebrows up and down Groucho Marx style. That’s going to mean a lot more when US Attorney John Durham is done.)

His administration broke into the computers of a journalist investigating the Fast and Furious scandal.

More to the current issue, when Congress wanted White House cooperation in investigating how on earth a huge cache of weapons got into the hands of Mexican drug gangs, Obama told Congress to pound sand. Was he impeached?

No, but now Trump will have to go through the bother of an impeachment.

If Only

Poor Trump. If only there was video footage of Joe Biden boasting about holding up a billion dollars in aid, unless Ukraine’s old president fired the prosecutor investigating Burisma, which just happened to be paying Biden’s son Hunter dump trucks full of money. If only there were proof that Burisma was using its Hunter Biden connection to pressure the Obama State Department to get the prosecutor to back off.

If only there were evidence of the Obama Administration meeting Ukraine officials at the White House to suggest they dump the Burisma investigation and let our DOJ do it. Oh, and also bug Ukraine to hand over dirt on an organization tied to Trump campaign official Paul Manafort.

If only the DOJ I.G. Report had issued a 476-page report yesterday proving once again the House leader who created and is producing this whole “Whistleblower Horror Impeachment Show” had been lying his face off for three years about the “Trump Russia Collusion Hoax.”

High Crimes So High They’ve Floated Into the Sky and Disappeared

Finally, does anyone notice what is missing from today’s announcement? Section 4, Article Two Constitution talks about impeaching presidents for “Treason, Bribery or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

Didn’t the Democrats spend the weeks before Thanksgiving insisting President Trump was guilty of bribery? Well, they chose the word “bribery” after focus groups shows the term they had been using all fall, “quid pro quo,” was going nowhere.

So where’s the Article of Impeachment on bribery? They accused the President of the United States of bribery. Did today’s announcement come with an apology for that false charge?

No. No more than there’s been an apology for spending three years lying that Trump was a Russian agent.

No more than there will be an apology for abusing the power of their office in a sickening effort to thwart the will and vote of the American people.

 

Al Perrotta is the Managing Editor of The Stream and co-author, with @JZmirak, of The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration. You can follow him at @StreamingAl. And if you aren’t already, please follow The Stream at @Streamdotorg.