Dear College Protesters,

On Sunday as Vice President Mike Pence gave the commencement address at Notre Dame university, several students stood up and walked out. A few weeks ago, students at the University of Buffalo shouted so loudly during author Robert Spencer’s speech that he was barely able to complete a sentence. Before that, students at Bethune-Cookman University booed during Education Secretary Betsy Devos’ commencement address.

Obviously shouting or booing is far more disruptive than quietly walking out. But you shouldn’t do either.

I completely support your constitutional right “peaceably to assemble” and “petition the government for a redress of grievances.” Thank you, First Amendment. Walking out on speakers and shouting them down is disrespectful, but in America we don’t punish citizens for disrespecting government officials and public figures, thankfully!

The reason you should stop booing and walking out during speeches you don’t like? Because you’re hurting your own future. How? Let’s break it down.

1. Listening to Ideas You Don’t Like Strengthens Your Own Position

A proper dose of open-mindedness is necessary for a tolerant society. Would you agree? I think you would. But healthy open-mindedness requires that we allow our own ideas to be challenged, even by those we deem intolerant. There are three reasons for this.

First, listening gives your own ideas the opportunity to stand the test. Can you win an argument, or at least hold your own in one, without shouting or storming off? Find out by listening to your opponent.

Be firm in your convictions. But do so in a way that does not delegitimize your own position.

It’s like in basketball, or football, or pretty much any team sport. An effective defense understands what the offense is trying to do (and vice versa). If you’re going to argue effectively, you need to understand exactly what your opponent is saying. How can you understand without listening?

Second, listening to ideas you disagree with trains you in the disciplines of tact and wisdom. Then you’ll be able to refrain from exploding at the faintest strain of a contradictory notion (@realDonaldTrump, anyone?). Such explosions mar your credibility. Other people may actually listen to your ideas once you stop shouting and start discussing.

Third, you may be able to find solutions. I know. Working with someone whose ideas you find repulsive can sound as unappealing as an 8:00 a.m. class. But by listening, truly listening to the other side, you get beyond partisan talking points and down to real issues. You begin to understand each other’s motivations. You may even discover some common ground.

2. Shouting Down or Ignoring Ideas You Don’t Like Sets You Up for Lifelong Defeat

In life you will disagree with people at work, in friendships, and relationships. Do you think your employer, your neighbor, or your spouse will let you shout them down? Do you think you’ll make any progress by walking out in the middle of an argument? Short answer: no. In the real world, you won’t be able to just scream or storm out, no matter how bad you might want to.

If you do, you’ll end up burning every bridge you cross.

Be firm in your convictions. But do so in a way that does not delegitimize your own position. This will require you to hear your opponent’s point of view, in addition to calmly articulating yours.

I’m not saying that you should ever abandon your convictions. But if you end up shouting or walking out during a conflict, you will not be remembered for your convictions. You’ll be remembered for your bad temper and immaturity.

3. Listening to Controversial Ideas Sharpens Your Critical Thinking

Not long ago I was a college student myself. My alma mater holds lecture days every semester, wherein a speaker presents to the entire college. The lecture is mandatory; all classes are canceled for the event.

The lectures were often controversial. But we sat there. We listened. We furiously scribbled notes on the hard copies we were each given. We were encouraged to take the speaker’s arguments apart in an attempt to truly understand what he or she was saying.

Later we participated in mandatory discussion groups, where students worked together to craft a challenging question. That afternoon those questions were asked during a panel discussion with the speaker and the faculty.

By the end, nearly every student emerged with a stronger understanding of his or her own beliefs regarding the topic at hand, whether or not they agreed with the speaker.

Those days were some of the most educational of my college career. Through listening to diverse opinions and joining in civil debates with classmates, I learned how to engage critically with an idea. I learned how to take someone else’s argument apart to see if it was strong, and build up my own argument to be even stronger. I learned to articulate my ideas in a respectful manner that led to further discussion. And today my life — at home, with friends, at work — is better off for it.

A Better Way

Next time a controversial speaker takes the podium, don’t stage a walk-out or a shout-down. Attend. Listen, even if it makes you fume. Take notes. Find someone you disagree with and engage in a civil discussion over the issue at hand. Try to understand why they believe what they do. Then, practice articulating your beliefs, whether it’s in an op-ed, a student-led panel (why don’t you organize it?), or a conversation with a classmate.

On the playground in elementary school, we had shouting matches. Other times we played “the quiet game.” Neither shouting nor silence will win cultural arguments. Good ideas, articulated in a clear and compelling way, will.

If you aspire to play in the league of big ideas, jump off the jungle gym and enter the public forum. And do so with the decorum it demands.

Sincerely,

A Former College Student