Wow, did that debate run long, though at three hours it only felt longer than the Oscars. Like the Oscars, there was drama, there was melodrama, there was a moment or two we regretted Edison ever harnessed electricity. We didn’t get Meryl Streep or a song-and-dance from Billy Crystal. But we did get Carly Fiorina doing a tap dance around the question as to whether she’d feel comfortable with Donald Trump’s finger on the nuclear button. Oh, and we learned Jeb Bush wants a woman played by Streep on the $10 bill.

Ah, The Donald. Perhaps it was fitting in a venue dedicated to a man who first found his fame in Hollywood that the CNN debates focused so much on a TV star. Donald has been gleefully insulting fellow candidates and any journalist who dares ask him a tough question. The bill for all that snark finally came due right before the first break.

Trump had just finished insisting Jeb’s comment on the campaign trail about Jeb being “not sure we need half a billion dollars for women’s health issues” would haunt his candidacy and that Trump had heard the comment very clearly with his own ears.

Then Tapper lobbed Fiorina the question. Everyone was waiting for it. Tapper asked her about Donald Trump’s criticizing her face to Rolling Stone magazine and his subsequent damage-control claim that he was talking about her “persona.” Fiorina’s face stiffened:

You know, it’s interesting to me, Mr. Trump said that he heard Mr. Bush very clearly and what Mr. Bush said [about women’s health issues]. I think women all over this country heard very clearly what Mr. Trump said.

She couldn’t have made a sharper cut had she stolen one of Dr. Carson’s scalpels. Trump tried to place nice. “I think she’s got a beautiful face, and I think she’s a beautiful woman.”

No dice. His turn on a dime walk-back was too little too late. Fiorina certainly wasn’t buying what he was selling. Yes, Donald. Look at that face. Guys, we all know that face.

It’s the face that says, “Get out. Get out of the house. Get out of my life. And while I’m at it, get out of the Ukraine, Vladimir.”

Think of it. All the male candidates have spent weeks saying, “How are we going to handle Trump? What are we going to do about Trump? Oh, my gosh, TRUMP!”  From Twitter to townhalls to 24-hour cable, they’ve been saying, “We can’t have Trump doing this. We must stop Trump from doing that.”

Then this female candidate, in a matter of seconds, just does it. Trump was, at last, trumped.

While the male candidates were trying to put on the cloak of the Gipper, Carly took on the mantle of the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher.

The Face on the $10 Bill

Margaret Thatcher played into another part of the evening. CNN asked the candidates which woman they’d like to see replace Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill. Fiorina refused to play, calling the Treasury Department effort a meaningless “gesture.” Mike Huckabee suggested his wife, Ben Carson his mom, and Trump nominated daughter Ivanka. (What, Donald, not your own mug?)

Jeb Bush, however, chose Thatcher … as in the former British Prime Minister. Does he really want to suggest there is not an American woman worthy of the honor? Or is it just a Common Core thing? John Kasich went with Mother Teresa.  A nice sentiment, but if you’re at 7-11 needing to break a ten for a snack, do you really want Mother Teresa looking up at you telling you your snack cash should be better spent on the poor? (“Well,” says my conscience — and waistline — “Yes!”)

And on the subject of munchies …

A Debate of Substance

Wednesday night’s event was definitely a debate of substance. That substance being marijuana. Apparently feeling Hugh Hewitt and Dana Bash were overworked asking one question an hour, Jake Tapper decided to field a question on pot from the Twittered masses. Twitter then erupted when Jeb Bush admitted that 40 years ago he inhaled. Before we could even contemplate the image of Bush in an even more mellowed state, Jeb apologized to his mom.

I don’t blame him for trying to placate her. Even at age 90, the former first lady still seems capable of putting a son over her knee.

Perhaps Jeb should have apologized to brother George instead. George W. has had to spend these four decades burdened by the perception that Jeb was the good and perfect son, while he was the Keith Richards of the Bush Clan.

Still, it’s not like Jeb would bring wild times to the White House. No, that would be Senator Lindsey Graham.

“We’re Gonna Drink More”: The Early Debate

The early debate was a more intimate affair, with just four candidates — George Pataki, Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal and Lindsey Graham. If the main act was Wrestlemania, the opening act turned out to be a stand-up comedy.

Senator Graham, when he wasn’t auditioning for Secretary of Defense, was auditioning for a spot on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Quite a change from the Fox News debate where a dour Graham spent the night acting as if Megyn Fox had run over his puppy.

Here are a few of his gems he tossed out to the Reagan Library audience:

• “One, thanks, CNN, for having people at this debate.”
• “We’re not going to deport 11 million people here illegally, but we’ll start with felons, and off they go. And as to the rest, you can stay, but you’ve got to learn our language. I don’t speak it very well, well, look how far I’ve come.”
• “I wasn’t the best law student. By the end of this debate, it would be the most time I’ve ever spent in a library.”
• While arguing why immigration is necessary to bring more people in to pay into social security: Former Sen. “Strom Thurmond had four kids after he was 67. If you’re not willing to do that, we’ve got to come up with a new legal immigration system.”
• While smacking down Donald Trump: “What I heard last night, it’s the Cartoon Network: ‘Ooh, I’m big, I’m strong! I’m gonna hit ’em in the head!’ That’s not foreign policy, that’s a cartoon character.”
• And finally, while bemoaning the lack of civility in Washington now, and how Ronald Reagan and Tip O’Neal would share a glass at the end of a busy day despite their differences, he declared: “That’s the first thing I’m going to do as President: We’re gonna drink more.”

Given where Graham stands in the polls, we don’t have to worry about the American Eagle being replaced with the Budweiser Clydesdales in 2017, but it sure was a great line.

Caption the Picture

In the wee hours after Wednesday night’s debate, we came across this picture of Mr. Trump making a point. With absolutely zero malice toward The Donald, and in the playful spirit of non-partisan camaraderie, we humbly suggest below a couple possible captions.

• “If I had a dollar for every cell I have in here … Oh, wait. I already do.”
• “If I can’t get this finger removed from my head soon, I’ll have to have Dr. Carson surgically remove it.”
• “Yeah, this hair is real … and it is the greatest!”

Next up, the CNN Democratic Primary Debate on Tuesday, October 13 from the Wynn Las Vegas. Will Uncle Joe Biden jump in to add some color to the Democratic campaign? How will Hillary’s strategy to show more humor and heart go? Will Bernie Sanders go for the jugular or just go for the slots? We can’t wait to see.